chapter 21 27.2.011

didn't i warn you?

there is a single instant in every relationship when one or both parties realize that said relationship will not work out. i think this is me pulling out-- again. part of the problem is that Hurt is too familiar of a friend; another large part is my subservience: having been taught to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself, i have and will continue to be the silent harborer of doubt, hatred, self-loathing, mania, skepticism, and masochism in every relationship into which i endeavor. i will continue to put my whole Self into these matters, and not remove my Self until pieces of it have been bitten away.

each piece retains a memory of its wholeness, and i become less whole with every broken connection, every remembrance of some former self. i cannot break the cycle; i made a promise to a higher power long, long ago. it is perhaps the only promise i have ever kept.

didn't i tell you that they all run away, eventually? run, boy. run.

not at home in this skin

ignore me, and i'll soon fade away--
just know that i miss you every day.

and i don't remember where you live,
but i remember all the things we did--

with fluttering eyes,
lips parting in sighs,
learning how to take and give.

your hand pulling away, and I'm devastated

hydrocodone

brainbits

Now every gentleman in Rome
is wearing Saigon cologne--
and the farmer in the dell
has gone to Hell, gone to Hell.

no title

Heaven's just a fathom high—
with olive skin and darkest eye—
while Hell's two fathoms further down—
and I, a dead man on the ground.

new year 06.01.011

your belying eyes—circumspect, ring-scribed
in light—fire my insides, blister my lips
and sizzle my skin.

kiln to my earthenware, you glaze me
in love most pearlescent-white;
I deny you nothing.

we are; you are mine; you quake at my fingers' behest.
your plushsoft lips quest, seek presence and rest
within the fleshy pulp of my heart.

covered in blood, you plunge.

sweat rimes your soul.

your agate-eyes flash green and gold;
myriad bubbles, pinfire sigh—

take me down this time,
down inside your light.

scry into my soul, leave me half of Whole.