As Yet Untitled

I'd ask if someone might enlighten me and give me reason and impetus to write, but I have realized that writing must be soulful and spring forth from regions unknown.

Just because it must come from the self does not mean that it must be waited for-- one can certainly search for the source-- but it can not come from outside the self.

Taking inspiration from the surrounding world is merely a mutation of the self; to pontificate on the glories of nature is to envelop one's surroundings with one's entire being, whilst observing from a more removed (yet altogether unified) set of personal beliefs.

What will come forth? What have I inside that does not represent itself superficially?

Perhaps I could talk about my most recent change of heart regarding corporate entities and salesmen. At work, I am required to sell; I have become a salesman. The most cynical part of myself would hate this, because salesmen are liars, manipulators, and pawns of a greater evil entity.

But after working for as many months, I've come to realize salesmanship is about communication. No doubt, there are salesmen out there who are trying-- at this very moment-- to sell people on some completely unnecessary luxury. No doubt there exist salesmen who truly have scumbag hearts-- who cheat, con and manipulate poor pigeons out of their money for some service or product which promises Midas' golden touch without allegorical morals.

But when it comes to my job, I simply inform. I am not heartless. I inform customers that there exist programs which may better be specified to their desires or needs. I use combinations of audio and visual stimuli to deliver information, and I try to present customers with as little extraneous information as possible. For those who give me the time to speak, for those who are in no rush to race off to some other location or event, I outline the basics of a particular program which I believe-- based on a customer's history with our company-- might be beneficial to him or her.

It is an art, this ability to communicate and delight. Six months back I would have been turned off slightly-- if not outright disgusted-- by these things I say and believe now. But now knowing what it's like to hold and maintain a job, what it's like to perform as your boss or manager expects whilst still retaining your own beliefs and your sense of self-- having experienced all this, I now have a greater appreciation both for myself and for the working proletariat. It is so fulfilling to learn, to change your actions whilst keeping your beliefs and intentions the same.

Will I ever go to formal school? Yes, I will. When? I do not know. Is it even necessary? In my opinion, yes. It is perhaps more difficult than holding a paying job; when enrolled in school, one must change his or her actions in order to please teachers, professors and so-called experienced professionals. Some even change their sense of self, and this can be quite deteriorating, degrading and upsetting-- and unnecessary. The true key to succeeding in schooling (and in this greater world) is to use your abilities in creative ways which fit the man-made laws of society (and the natural laws of reality).

For me, I think, a taste of the working world was and still is appropriate and necessary to help me learn all this. Now that I have seen some of what you wise men call the Greater Truth, I can understand better the reasons for and the reasons behind your demands, your rules, your systems and your structure.

More and more every day, I feel confident in myself and in my ability to work my way through school. After twelve years of mutation, self-degradation, accomplishment and frustration in the schooling world, I feel it was necessary to take a break from that particular system and put my skills to the challenge inside another well-oiled machine. I think I now better understand the workings of various interrelated systems, and I think I am better prepared to commit myself to the clockwork of higher education.

Now, after all, I have the tools and the know-how to aid my mechanical knowledge. I am oiled up, and ready to run.